Nearly two years ago I had the most significant dream of my life that led me to where I am currently. Happily transforming. Alive. But this is not that dream, though I will share that dream at another time. This dream came after that one. What I call a follow-up. I believe it came to me because I had begun to move. My heart was stirring and I was finally taking action in my life, both spiritually and physically. Something had shifted and with this shift I had opened more to the Universe, to God. Though, please, let me clarify "God" with my own personal definition. My personal dictionary, the one in my heart, defines "God" as neither male nor female. Kinda like a yin/yang symbol. A balance of both forms of energy and yet not so simple. And to me "God" is the most intense, powerful, all encompassing energy. Energy doesn't even begin to describe the magnitude of it. Then just to throw in a little extra, depending on where this energy is at a particular, time, place, element, etc., there is an essence of this energy. The only way I think to describe it is how Greeks assigned various energies to various gods, love, water, war, etc. But for me they all make up a whole that is "God". And just because I grew up being taught that "God" was more male, I still reference him as a "he" even though I don't think this at all. More of a god/goddess but totally more than that. It's not a religion, I mean gross...religion. But this is how my heart believes and because of this I have constant access to "God" because the energy is absolutely everywhere...even apart of me. Did that clarify before I move on? Probably not but chew on it and I'll continue.
Let me share my dream because I feel like it is playing out right now and it is significant to me. My heart is on fire and yet, as I told a dear friend the other day, it's happily in turmoil. Something that doesn't quite make sense but does. My dream was me in a setting with others around. Like a party of sorts. It was an indoor leading to an outdoor. Open and airy, yet there was shelter. I began to feel a nagging itch. I pulled up my shirt and found that my breast was non-existent. In it's place was a small slit which when I spread it apart, or breathed deeply, opened to a deep, gaping hole. When it opened, little white caterpillar worms and bees were coming out. I stared in disbelief and horror at what was happening. I couldn't stop staring and I couldn't stop opening the hole to let out things and to stare inside this hole. The hole was total darkness. I couldn't see the source of all that was happening. It was just too dark. Black. But I continued to keep my shirt up, completely exposing myself and this hole. I knew I needed to let all of this out, as putrid as it was. Every time things made their way out of the hole I felt a tickling movement of my skin. I was alive and things were happening. Eventually it slowed and then stopped. When I looked into the hole I saw white. It wasn't completely well, but it was no longer black, and it was in the process of healing. It looked almost like white intestines.
Interesting, no? I have feelings on what it all was/is and the interesting thing is, it is playing out RIGHT NOW in my life. All of it. All the feelings, emotions, all except the hole and nonexistent breast. Right after my dream happened I looked up Celtic mythology on bees because that threw me for a loop. I mean, bees? And what I read were that bees are powerful symbols for psychic perception. They symbolize action, communication, primitive power. Along with that can also come a time of fermentation, germination. It's a time of honoring the treasure within me. Already there.Yes, this is exactly what is happening in my life right now. It isn't comfortable, just like in my dream, but I am allowing it to openly happen because it is needed.