Now as my belly grows with new life, I find my balance off-center. I find I must relearn my movements and adjust as my body transforms almost daily. Some might not notice it as much as me, but I feel it deep within. I have struggled in the past to love my pregnant body but this fourth round I make a daily choice to love me where I am, both in my strength and my weakness. It has been difficult for me to dance and watch my reflection as I move because I don’t recognize me…but something clicked tonight.
My fears and demons have been roaring their head the past few days and I have chosen to sit with them rather than run from them. Even my old Eating Disorder shadow. But each time, instead of explaining a fear away or meditating to calm and to bring light, I sat with it. Sometimes I even cried with it. I went to the root and examined what was there. What was the energy behind It.
Tonight…I danced. I danced from my heart. I danced from my bones. I danced from my womb. It was the most satisfying dance I have had in months. It came from an ancient place. It was a jumbo of Ballet, African, Latin, Fire, Earth, Water…Air. It was dance I felt and it came through me and out of me. As I danced with Little Feather in my womb I moved in absolute truth and in love…with all my fears…with all my demons…with all my insecurities…but mostly…with an all knowing. There was a complete surrender and with it there was a great wave of peace. I danced on the wave of peace and rode it all the way to the shore…now I must choose to surrender again and again. To surrender to my joys and loves and laughter, as well as my pains and fears and tears. What a gift to be able to live life on that edge…it is truly living.