I have been asked by a few why I have changed my last name and first, let me say, I am just trying it out. I do not wish to keep my married name, as I am no longer married, and I do not wish to go back to my maiden name. I changed my first name to my middle when I was younger because I had gone through a major illness that left me changed to the core. I marked that time with my middle name because it meant “Victorious”. Now, I wish to change my last name. I am just trying it on before I make it legal on the passport. It is Hindu. It is encompasses all and is the great Divine. I identified with it and I thought aligning myself with something so whole would be a wonderful way to mark a passage for me. Not that I need to explain myself to anyone because this is for me, but I am open to anyone who cares to know my motive because maybe it will resonate with someone and it will stir something in them to be more alive, present and compassionate.
People all around the world mark a passage in life with a name change and because it is custom or tradition it is not questioned. When a womyn gets married she changes her last name to her husband’s and she has the title of Mrs. In Zimbabwe, a womyn who bears a child changes from her name she was given at birth to that of her first child’s with an attachment that she is that mother, a mark of passage on a huge change in life. In Native American cultures after someone made a passage through a particular journey or event they were given names after what they saw in a vision or animals that they encountered or battle that had happened, and at any time in their life it could change again according to whether or not another major life event happened. More commonly in our American culture we respect those who add M.D. or Ph. D. after their last name and doctor before their first. It is a sign that they went through a journey and on the other side they were renamed to show that it had been done.
Events that happen in life do not have to mean anything to anyone except that person who has gone through it. We are there in the darkest of times and most don’t get to witness that. Most just see the joyous or the after bit, when it is completed. It doesn’t mean that another will agree or understand. But a thought to keep in mind if you are the person witnessing something in another’s life…what if you just allow someone to be different? What if you allow someone to explore life through living and through passages? What if the witness and the stake flags were seen and marked in ways different than how you would mark the territory of a newly impassioned soul? What if you didn’t compare yourself to them or compare that person to who they use to be, even if you feel it is a total fuck up?
I am alive. I am living. I am dying a thousand deaths each day to let go and be in THIS moment. I wish peace for the world. I wish healing for the Earth. I wish for there to be no separation. I wish to offer me and what I have to the world because I am here for a reason and my life is a part of a whole. I am important even in my smallness…and greatness. If you don’t care to be witness to my ride, please, turn away. Better yet walk away. I wish you blessings and I wish for you to find your truth and your peace. Everyone’s journey is different, but in that difference there is sameness. I will not force my truth upon anyone but I also will not make myself less to make you more comfortable. I have lived in that space before and it did not honor my authentic self. It left me rotting and dying. I am not interested in that kind of life. I am alive. I am well. I am happy. I am divine because I am a part of it, and it a part of me. I will continue to share as I feel I need to and I will continue to live as I do, blended in many cultures, languages, ideas, dances, words but most of all Universal love. I will not compare myself with others, nor will I compare myself with myself. I am just me. No more, no less. And that is perfect in its imperfection. No wars. No hate.
Peace and Blessings.